
The Tale of Lardass and the Crying Cartman
By Storybird

28 Jul, 2023

South Park, Colorado, where every day was a new adventure for the four best friends - Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman. Over the years, their friendship has experienced a roller-coaster ride of events, with funny pranks and harmless nicknames being a huge part of their bond.

Cartman, otherwise known as Eric Cartman, was the chubby bully notorious for his sarcastic humor and manipulative tactics. But in this AU, he's a different person altogether. He's kind, empathetic and well-loved by all.

One sunny afternoon, Kyle, Stan and Kenny were all hanging out at the local arcade. Cartman, as per the new norm, was volunteering at the community centre.

As the boys were competing against each other in Pac-Man, Kyle brought up an idea. "Guys, don't you think it's time Cartman got a nickname?" he proposed. Stan and Kenny looked at him curiously.

"What kind of nickname are you thinking, dude?" Stan asked, eyes never leaving the arcade screen. "I was thinking... LardAss," Kyle responded with a mischievous grin.

Both Stan and Kenny burst out laughing. "What?" Kyle said, trying to defend his suggestion, "It’s perfect! It’s funny, and it’ll remind him of his old self."

"Alright, LardAss it is," Stan finally agreed, amidst fits of giggles. The trio high-fived, excitedly anticipating Cartman's reaction.

When Cartman finally finished his volunteering and met the boys at the arcade, he was greeted with a chorus of "Hey, LardAss!" He looked confused, but then bemused, "Funny guys, very original," he responded sarcastically.

Over the next few days, everyone in South Park was calling Cartman by his new nickname. Even the adults were in on the joke. Cartman maintained his sense of humor, laughing along whenever anyone called him 'LardAss'.

It seemed that the nickname was a hit. But little did the boys know, it was starting to take a toll on Cartman's self-esteem. He tried to hide it, but every 'LardAss' comment was a painful reminder of his past.

One day, after a group of kids called him 'LardAss' at the park, Cartman found himself alone. He sat on a swing, a single tear rolling down as the laughter echoed in his ears.

Kyle happened to be passing by the park and noticed Cartman sitting alone. He approached his friend, "What's up, LardAss?" then noticed his teary eyes. He immediately felt a pang of guilt.

"It's not funny anymore, Kyle," Cartman confessed, "Every time someone calls me LardAss, it just reminds me of the person I was...the person I'm trying not to be anymore."

Kyle was taken aback. His friend was in pain because of a joke they had thoughtlessly started. The guilt hit him hard. "I'm sorry, Cartman," Kyle said, "We didn't realize it was affecting you this way."

Cartman just nodded, trying to force a smile. "I know you guys were just having fun, but maybe it's time to drop the LardAss thing, okay?" he suggested.

Kyle agreed, "Absolutely, Cartman, we'll put an end to it." He knew he had to make it right, not just for Cartman, but for the entire town who unknowingly hurt their friend.

Back with Stan and Kenny, Kyle recounted his conversation with Cartman. Realisation dawned on the boys' faces, "We messed up, didn't we?" Stan said.

"Yeah, we did. But we're going to fix it," Kyle affirmed, his determination infectious. The boys huddled, brainstorming ways to make amends.

The following day, they called for an impromptu town meeting. The boys stood in front of the residents, ready to rectify their mistake. "We're here to talk about our friend, Cartman," Kyle began.

As Kyle explained how the 'LardAss' nickname had been a fun joke that had inadvertently caused their friend pain, the townsfolk listened in silence, their faces solemn. They, too, hadn't realised the impact of their words.

"We ask that you stop calling him LardAss. His name is Eric. Eric Cartman," Kyle finished, voice echoing in the town hall. There was a hushed agreement among the townsfolk. They promised to respect Cartman's wishes.

After the meeting, Kyle, Stan and Kenny went to find Cartman. Upon seeing them, Cartman braced himself for the usual 'LardAss', but it never came. Instead, they greeted him with his real name.

"Hey, Eric," they chorused. Cartman's eyes widened in surprise, then softened in gratitude. "Thanks, guys," he said, his voice choked with emotion. The boys shared a collective sigh of relief.

"We're sorry, dude," Stan said. Kenny added, "Yeah, we didn't mean to hurt you." Cartman nodded, wiping away a single tear, "I know. Apology accepted."

From then on, the 'LardAss' nickname became a thing of the past. The boys learned a valuable lesson about the power of words, and the town's respect for Cartman grew.

As for Cartman, he was relieved to be free from the constant reminders of his past. But most importantly, he was grateful for his friends who stood by him and righted their wrong.

Needless to say, the bond between the four friends only grew stronger. Their adventures in South Park continued, filled with fun, games and a deep respect for each other's boundaries. Cartman was Eric again, and that's all he'd ever wanted to be.

It was just another day in South Park, but one that the boys would remember forever. It was the day they learned to be kinder, the day they understood the impact of their jokes, and the day their friendship evolved for the better.

This story serves as a reminder to us all that while nicknames and jokes may seem harmless, they can sometimes hurt those we care about. It's important to be conscious of our words, and to always strive to lift each other up, rather than bring each other down.

And of course, if you do happen to make a mistake, like the boys did, owning up and making it right is the best course of action. It's what true friendship is about, after all.

So, next time you think of teasing a friend, remember the South Park boys and their lesson. Remember to be kind, to respect boundaries, and to always, always stand up for your friends. Because that's what true friends do.

Just so you know, Cartman, or should we say, Eric, returned stronger, kinder and wiser. He continued spreading positivity in his neighborhood. The boys, too, grew up to be empathetic individuals, always standing up for each other.

And so, life in South Park went on. The boys continued their adventures, faced new challenges and learned new lessons. But most importantly, they remained the best of friends, always there to support each other, no matter what.

They made a pact to always remember the 'LardAss' incident as a turning point in their friendship. They promised to always be there for each other and to treat each other with nothing but respect. And they did. Because that's what true friendship is all about.

Basking in the glow of their strengthened friendship, the boys watched the sun set over South Park, their hearts filled with gratitude. "To friendship," Kyle said, raising a make-believe toast. "To friendship," they all agreed. And so the sun set on another day in South Park, and brought with it a promise of a better tomorrow.