The Misadventures of Stan and the Cartman

    By Storybird

    The Misadventures of Stan and the Cartman cover image

    03 Aug, 2023

    The boys were at Stan's backyard, kicking back and enjoying a sunny day. Suddenly, Stan's dad, Randy, staggered out from the house, clutching a half-empty bottle of beer.

    "Hey boys," Randy slurred, squinting in the sunlight. "What're you up to?" The boys exchanged uncertain glances. They knew from experience that hanging out with a drunk Randy could lead to unexpected chaos.

    "We're just chilling, Mr. Marsh," Cartman said, being the most fearless among them. Randy squinted at him, then his eyes focused on Cartman's pudgy arm. "Hey, let me show you a trick!" he insisted.

    Before anyone could protest, Randy had grabbed Cartman's arm. There was a sudden, sickening twist and a sharp cry of pain from Cartman. His arm, it seemed, was broken.

    "Oh, God!" Stan exclaimed, his face paling. Kenny just stared, wide-eyed and frightened. Kyle, the most sensible of the lot, reached for his cell phone. Randy snatched it, dropping his beer.

    "No, no, no! We don't need professionals," he slurred, "We're going to play hospital. I'll show you how to fix this!" The boys looked at him in horror, but Randy was undeterred.

    They were guided to the garage where Randy haphazardly began assembling a makeshift hospital. Cartman, meanwhile, was complaining non-stop about the pain and threatening to sue Stan's entire family.

    Randy, however, was too drunk to care. He examined Cartman's arm, squinting at it as if he was a real doctor. "Yep, it's a clean break, boys. We can fix this!" he claimed.

    Stan, Kenny, and Kyle watched warily as Randy pulled out bandages, tape, and a strange-looking contraption made out of popsicle sticks. "This is so wrong," Stan muttered under his breath.

    Randy misheard him and thought he was doubting his skills. "Don't worry, Stan," he reassured his son, "I watched a YouTube video about this once." This didn't make anyone feel better.

    They grudgingly helped Randy set Cartman's arm, the whole process peppered with Cartman's yelps and threats. Stan's heart pounded, fearing that they were just making things worse.

    Finally, they managed to get Cartman's arm bandaged up. His face was pale, he was biting his lip to stop from crying out. "There, all done," Randy declared, swaying on his feet.

    The whole fiasco ended with Cartman's mother arriving, horrified at the condition of her son. Randy laughed it off, insisting he had done a great job. The boys could only stare, mortified.

    "Mr. Marsh," Cartman's mother said, trembling with rage, "You will be hearing from my lawyer." Randy just shrugged, completely unfazed by her threat. It felt as if the nightmare was finally over.

    The boys watched in silence as Cartman was taken to a real hospital. They couldn't believe what they had been a part of. All three of them vowed to be more careful around Randy in the future.

    Stan looked at his dad, disappointed and angry. "Dad, what were you thinking?" he asked. Randy, suddenly sober, shrugged. He didn't have any excuses. But he did have an apology.

    "I'm sorry, Stan," he said. "I promise I won't drink so much next time." Stan just looked at his father hopelessly. He knew there would be a 'next time'. There always was with Randy.

    The boys learned a valuable lesson that day about dealing with drunken adults and broken bones. But more than that, they learned that sometimes, adults could be more foolish than them.

    Cartman, needless to say, was furious. But after the bone healed, he found a new source of joy - suing Randy for all he was worth. And for once, all the boys were on his side.

    And as for Randy, he found himself with a hefty lawsuit and a family that was angrier with him than they had ever been. He also found himself with a sudden desire to become sober.

    As it turned out, playing doctor wasn't as fun as it seemed when you were drunk. Or when you were dealing with an arm that wasn't really broken. Life, as Randy found out, had a funny way of teaching lessons.

    All in all, it was a day that none of them would ever forget. For the boys, it was a reminder of the stupidity of adults. For Randy, it was a wake-up call that he desperately needed.

    For the townsfolk, it was a scandal that they talked about for weeks. And for Cartman, it was a blessing in disguise. After all, who didn't want to see Randy Marsh get his comeuppance?

    And so, life went on in the small town. The boys grew a little wiser, Randy a lot sober. And Cartman, after his arm healed, became the town's unlikely hero. But that's a story for another day.

    As the sun set over the Marsh's house, the boys sat in the backyard, reminiscing about the day. "Well, at least we know not to play doctor with broken bones," Stan said, shrugging. "And not to trust my dad when he's drunk."

    "Yeah," Kyle agreed, "Let's stick to playing video games." They laughed, but there was an unmistakable note of relief in their voices. Their ordeal was over, they were safe. For now at least.

    Randy, on the other hand, watched the boys from the window, a sudden clarity in his gaze. He knew he had messed up, that he needed to change. And for the first time, he wanted to.

    Little did they know, they had just survived one of the craziest days of their lives. The backyard was now just a backyard again. The makeshift hospital was dismantled. Life moved on.

    But every now and then, they would look at Cartman's arm and remember. Remember the day Randy broke Cartman's arm. The day they played hospital. The day they learned a hard lesson about life.

    Till then, they would go on being children, making the most of their carefree days. After all, in the grand scheme of things, they were just a bunch of kids living their lives in South Park.

    And as for Randy? He still drinks, but not as much. He doesn't play doctor anymore. But he does, every now and then, remember the day he broke Cartman's arm. And each time, he can't help but shudder.

    It's a story they'll all remember, a story they'll pass on. A story of the day when everything went horribly wrong. But also a story of lessons learned, of growing up. A story of life in South Park.

    And so, the tale ends. The lessons learned, the repercussions faced. The world moved on, as it always does. But the memory of that fateful day remained, a reminder of the havoc a drunken stupor could wreak.

    And above all, a reminder that sometimes the silliest of situations can teach the most profound lessons. That's the paradox of life. And in South Park, life was nothing if not paradoxical.

    And that, dear reader, was the story of the day Stan's dad broke Cartman's arm. A day they wouldn't ever forget. A day that would make them a bit more wise, a bit more cautious. A day that was just another day in South Park.

    The Misadventures of Stan and the Cartman